Boost your confidence

• Choosing people you trust, and respect is crucial. Your first reaction to reading their feedback might be to dismiss it if you feel uncomfortable receiving praise, compliments, or positive feedback from them
• You need to be able to look at the feedback and trust their thoughts about you.
• It can be very helpful to ask five people from different areas of your life so you build up a picture of how you are perceived in various areas.
• You will be able to see themes and constants emerge, which will help to redefine your self-image into a more positive one.

• Trusted colleagues or bosses, past or present
• Close friends, from different circles or times of your life
• Partners, siblings or family members who you have a strong, positive relationship with

This will be the hardest step in this exercise. 

Ask yourself this: what would you do if this person asked you to answer five questions for them? Remember, you are not a burden!

To help you out in case this feels too hard (which is perfectly normal), here’s some suggested copy for an email or message to get you started. 

Feel free to edit as you see fit.

Hey [person I trust],

I might have mentioned I’m thinking about [taking the next step in my career, making a change, whatever is on your mind that has led you to this worksheet] so I’m doing a coaching exercise to help me get clearer on my strengths.

For the exercise I’ve been tasked with asking five people whose opinions I trust, to answer these five questions for me. It will also only take five minutes!

[Insert your questions here]

I’d be grateful to read your thoughts.

Let’s hang out/get a coffee/watch a film/unpack the new film out on Netflix soon!

Yours,

[Your name]

Questions you can ask:

• What one word or phrase describes me best?
• What do you think is my greatest achievement?
• What do you value most about me?
• What one thing could I change for my own benefit?
• What do you believe to be my greatest strength?

These questions have been specifically designed by master coach Kim Morgan to pull out your strengths. You will notice only one question focuses on an area for improvement.

TIP: You may want to write down the answers to the following questions. Capturing your answers on paper can be very powerful.

• Notice how you feel as you read your feedback.
• What’s it like to read?
• If you feel overwhelmed, this is completely normal. There are few moments in life when we invite our dearest to share (without filter) the positive traits they see in us. Sit with their words.
• Is there any feedback you want to reject? Do you notice any resistance as you read?
• What patterns do you notice in the feedback?
• What comes up across the different parts of your life?
• What does this mean about you, as a human? As a friend? A colleague? A partner? A family member?
• And, in what ways has this changed how you see yourself?

Make sure you celebrate yourself for your commitment to growth, and for the bravery it took to reach out to your five people.

Well done, it’s no small thing!

• Grab a piece of paper (the bigger the better!) and something to write with
• Draw a timeline of your career
• You can also include any education or studies if that feels appropriate to you

Now, step through your timeline and mark down all the success you have experienced.
 

It doesn’t matter how big, or how small – if it felt like a win and if you felt proud, then put it on the timeline. Some suggestions include:

• The jobs you’ve had, including any promotions, new opportunities or changes in career path
• Any training, learning experiences or qualifications
• Remember your personal successes as well. These might involve family, supporting others in your life, your hobbies or voluntary work alongside your working life
• Ask yourself – What big decisions did I make? And what risks, if any, did I take?
• Finally, what difficult times did you overcome?

Most importantly, focus on what feels successful to you, those things may not look like traditional success. Highlight your peak moments, your proud moments, and times of growth.

Taking a step back

Now take a step back, take a breather and hydrate.

Look at your timeline from a distance – what do you notice?

Think about what you did, and what strengths you displayed to make those things happen.

• What qualities were on show?
• In what way were you an active part of your success?

If you are drawn to the excuse of ‘luck’ or 'it was easy, anyone could do it’, really challenge yourself and ask:

• Was it luck?
• What did you do to ‘put yourself in luck’s way’?
• In what ways were you an active part of that success?
• Was it easy?
• What made it easy for you?
• What natural capacities were you using to succeed with ease?

For each success on your timeline go through Step Four and take ownership of your success.

You did that. It is uniquely yours.

Internal positive validation task 

You are going to create a list of first-person statements based on the outputs from the Ask Five People and Success Timeline exercises.

TIP: Once it’s made, keep this list close and come back to it when you feel yourself becoming more negative, and if you need a reminder of all your wonderful attributes

Look at your feedback from Ask Five People

• Take a look at your feedback from the Ask Five People exercise.
• Take each item and turn them into first person statements.

For example, your friend said the thing they value the most about you is your compassion. Write a statement in your list that says: “I am compassionate” 

Look at your Success Timeline. You should have a list of strengths that you can use to make your wins happen. Add these to your list in the first person.

For example, if you took a brave decision that led to an amazing opportunity, write in your list: “I am courageous.”

Finally, read the list out loud. It’s even more effective if you can read it to another person.
 

This exercise might feel a bit uncomfortable if you are not used to thinking or speaking positively about yourself. However, owning these parts of your identity, without any padding, is key to experiencing a more positive sense of self.

Tips

• If this feels too difficult, notice those feelings. What stories are you telling yourself right now?
• Notice your thoughts – what are they saying? Is it true?
• What else could be true?
• Finally: how is it serving you to resist doing this work?
• What do you gain by resisting? What do you lose?

Spend time thinking about your unique combination of strengths and qualities that allowed you to succeed, to take the risk, to offer support, to get that qualification, to go the extra mile and to get through the hard time.

Because it’s not luck, I promise you.

And if it was easy that doesn’t mean that anyone could do it, it means you could do it, and it felt easy because it’s easy for you.

If you find this process difficult, or are experiencing any kind of resistance, first know that it’s normal. You may be experiencing stories about arrogance or vanity that are coming between you and owning your achievements. You may feel deep discomfort. Sit with it. Show it kindness. Ask that part of yourself what it needs to feel safe to be with your achievements.