Networking behind the scenes: why we miss opportunities

Sometimes, without even realising it, we ignore exactly what we’re looking for. Even if it’s right under our noses. This shows clearly in how we network – particularly in the film and TV industry, where access, confidence, and assumptions all collide.

And there’s a simple explanation for this.

Why networking in film and TV might feel so difficult

So, picture this. I’m at the Edinburgh TV Festival in 2025. And it’s like a gladiator ring there. Half the people at the festival were desperately looking for jobs. And the other half had jobs and were desperately clinging onto them for dear life.

It was tense for the first day or so. Especially for me – being AuDHD (a co‑occurrence of Autism Spectrum Disorder and ADHD), it’s hard for me to detach from the surrounding vibe. Remember that feeling of dread when you did something naughty as a teen, then you found out that your mum found out, and you had that sinking feeling in the pit of your stomach all day till you went home to face your fate? That’s what it’s like.

Sky had a party – one of those 60-minute long ​“come for the free gorgeous pink margaritas and little canapés with exotic magenta flowers on” events you get that everyone attends because free drinks. Anyway, everyone’s fab, and excited, and chatting in little groups. Very young, vibrant crowd. And in the corner was an older man holding a margarita. Probably early 60s. He was by himself. 

I watched him for a little while, and no one approached him. Not even the stragglers who were looking for people to speak with.

There’s an old saying that ​“people like people who remind them of themselves.” There’s a reason for that. Because back when we were cave people (yes, that’s the official scientific term), when we ran into humans who weren’t like our group, that could spell danger.

The bias we don’t realise we’re carrying

And that’s stuck in our minds. But no one teaches us about this. Which means that we’re stuck in a loop – looking for people who look or act like us and overlooking the rest. The problem is that it is built on making assumptions about people who we don’t know. It’s always built on bias and prejudice. Because of this, we literally deprive ourselves of meeting some extraordinary people.

Between you and me, I was definitely like this. In a room of strangers, I would naturally gravitate to women and LGBTQ+ people, because they were my people.

Maybe that’s the ​‘Tism – because if we’re being frank, those of us who are ASD are misunderstood or misinterpreted. And we miss hidden social cues because we ain’t psychic. But part of that is me just going for the comfortable option, instead of challenging myself.

Until I accidentally saw a video about this phenomenon on YouTube. And suddenly, it hit me. I thought I had worked on my biases, not realising I was practicing them every time I went to an event. But it’s like a hair in your food – once you see it, you can’t ignore it.

Anyway, back to the TV Festival.

The unexpected wake-up call

So, the man was standing in the corner, with his drink. I went up to him, and he was absolutely delightful.

We immediately started talking about hobbies, and within about seven minutes, we discovered we’re obsessed with plants. Eight minutes in, we’re showing each other photos of our favourite plants. This man had a black greenhouse in his back garden that was magical. I was insanely jealous, in the best possible way.

Turns out he was one of the heads of Swedish TV, the head of Eurovision for years, and a comedy obsessive. Toward the end of the event, his friends showed up and we talked about all things comedy for ages. All the while, the people around us had no idea. This is how easily we miss opportunity – not because it isn’t there, but because we’ve unconsciously decided who looks ​“relevant” before a word is spoken.

When I run my networking hacks sessions, it’s important to:

• Remind people to leave their assumptions at the door
• Push ourselves out of our comfort zone
• Challenge ourselves
• Get to know people we wouldn’t normally speak with
• Let people surprise us – we never know who is right under our noses

Working in film and TV can feel isolating – especially when you’re navigating careers, confidence, or access. Explore our networking opportunities and wellbeing support for people working behind the scenes.

About the author

Amanda Graham is a screenwriter, award-winning speaker, disability consultant, and host of the Neurodisruptors podcast. Amanda works with the Institute of Neurodiversity and brings lived experience and industry insight to every session.