Listen, Acknowledge, Act

Active Listening is an enhanced form of listening to others. It helps us understand a situation or another person’s perspective more deeply and creates an environment where people can build trust and feel safe.

In normal conversations we tend to be thinking about what we will say next; perhaps trying to come up with ideas or solutions or sharing a similar experience. There’s often a temptation to give advice. Active Listening means we put all these distractions aside and focus our attention entirely on the speaker. 

Remember that solutions can look different for everyone. Active Listening encourages us to fully engage with the speaker’s individual perspective and context. 

If you are talking to a colleague, the act of providing a listening ear and a non-judgemental space might be enough. They might ask you to keep the matter private – you should respect this but also consider the risks of not reporting the situation and explore options with them. You could offer to be present at a conversation with their Line Manager and to submit notes if it helps.

You should treat this conversation as an informal report of bullying, harassment, or discrimination and respond in line with your company policy. It’s a good idea to make a note summarising the issues and the agreed action points.

Share further sources of support with them, such as our Support Line and Bullying Advice Service, and agree to monitor the situation going forward. Depending on the seriousness of the report, you may need to escalate it. Your workplace policy should offer guidance on the process you can follow. You can also read our Act guidance below to assess risk and identify appropriate outcomes. 

• Think about creating good listening conditions to enable the speaker, such as a quiet, confidential space where you won’t be disturbed. 
• Give the speaker time, as they might not be able to tell you everything in a linear way or all at once. 
• Be mindful of the speaker’s body language, tone of voice, mood and emotion. 
• Adapt your posture and body language to support your listening – angle yourself towards them, maintain comfortable eye contact and smile where appropriate. 
• Demonstrate interest and warmth – use non-verbal cues like nodding to reassure and encourage. 
• Consciously soften your voice and tone. 
• Approach the conversation with genuine curiosity for the speaker’s situation. 
• Listen, with your focus on understanding rather then immediately responding. 
• Put aside any judgement or personal opinion. 
• Try not to interrupt the speaker with your advice or thoughts. Use listening phrases and open questions to help the speaker connect with the best solutions for them.

In some cultures, direct eye contact is considered rude and might be uncomfortable for someone disclosing something difficult or upsetting. Some people will prefer to look away or look downwards.

Some neurodivergent people may prefer to stand, walk around, or fidget as they speak. It is important to simply allow people to do what makes them feel most comfortable and able to share. 

Reflect and agree action points together to end on a supportive and transparent tone. For example: 

• Thank the speaker for sharing their difficult experience with you 
• Give a short summary sharing the speaker’s key points back 
• Ask them – is there anything I’ve missed? 
• Ask them – is there anything else you’d like to add? 
• Sum up the agreed points 
• Agree a course of action

Example: ​“Thanks for telling me about your experience today – I appreciate how hard it can be to come forward and talk about these things. To sum up – we agree these ​‘jokes’ are actually micro-aggressions that are hurtful and inappropriate, and that this situation needs addressing swiftly.

“So far, we haven’t decided what to do exactly – but you will go away and think about the mediation options we talked about and I will make sure I cross-reference with our bullying and harassment policies.

“You will also call the Film and TV Charity Bullying Advice Service to see what they suggest. We will meet to discuss this again in two days and agree next steps together. Is there anything I’ve missed here or anything else you’d like to add?”

• Paraphrase: seek understanding by paraphrasing.
  • “It sounds as though you’re having a really tough time with this person and are really confused about what to do.”

• Mirror: Repeat keywords so people feel understood.
  • “I can really sense how angry you are right now.”

• Gain clarity: check that you are understanding the situation fully.
  • “It sounds like you’re feeling as though you really need this behaviour to stop now – is that right?”

• Open questions: to help the speaker connect with the best solutions for them.
  • “What have you already tried in this situation?”
  • “What would a good solution to this look like for you?”
  • “What next steps might you/​we take?”
  • “How could I/​we best support you in this situation?”
  • “Would you like me to just listen today or offer some thoughts and guidance?”
  • “Do you have people outside work also supporting you?”

• Very Well Mind – see their guidance on Active Listening here.
• The School of Life – Watch their video on being a good listener here.
  
• Prospect – read their guides on neurodiversity for managers and employees.